Hole

There is a hole.
A dark, insidious hole where my heart is.
With one look at the liquid ether before me, calling my name, taunting me,
I feel it all. I feel the darkness creep in, little by little,
Tickling and scratching simultaneously.
Before long, I am consumed by my demons, triggered by the addictive liquid I burn for.
I feel the change, I cannot stop it.
I feel everything negatively.
The light fades, I become the darkness.

Taste after taste, the cool liquid, against my burning lips, I yearn for more.
Nothing can stop me now.
I am not me, I am the darkness.
I can feel it all.
Consumed by evil, consumed by this addiction, an addict in my own right.
There is nothing else, only the pain and aggression I unleash on those I love.
I am not me, I am caged within, prisoner inside my own thoughts.
I see everything, feel everything, but I am merely a puppet, the liquid ether my master.
"Stop", I yell, to no avail.
My loved ones stand before me as the monster in me inflicts pain.
I watch, helplessly, as they're hurt and angered by my own diseased tongue, or hand.
They see me, but know not of the prison I'm encompassed in as the horrid events unfold.

I endeavor to fight, battle my demons.
The liquid ether has paralyzed me, dimmed all the light and damned me.
I am helpless as the liquid ether runs through my veins and infects me.
I am unstoppable, but not invincible.
My only cure is sleep, though sleep is temporary.
After the damage is done, I crawl into bed and shut my eyes tight and weep inside.
The morning breaks upon my sensitive face, I blink repeatedly, adjusting to the light.
It takes a second before most of the events of the previous night come flooding in like a waterfall in the middle of Winter.
I shut my eyes again, but all I see is the pain I caused, all I feel, just the same.
I have allowed myself once again, to fall prey to the liquid ether.
"Where is my will power?" "Why have I done this?"

No, It has to stop here. No more giving in, no more burning, yearning, consuming myself with the glass that inevitably changes my make up.
I need to, I want to stand strong.
Be the person everyone knows me to be,
Be the person I was born to be, the person whom I love.
Damn the monster to the depths of hell.
Burn in a fiery pit.
I am fierce, I am strong. I am more than this addiction.
I have dreams, I have people to love and inspire.
This is who I am.
This is who I was meant to be.
I am only human, I make mistakes,
but no longer will I give into this temptation, the liquid paradise that makes me bold, and sadly changes the person I have worked so hard to become.

The road ahead is long, but it will be easy.
I do not need my vices, I want my freedom.
I have my freedom..
Give me a chance..