Once upon a time there was an average girl, living an average life, trying to be a different person for all those that crossed her path. In the beginning, it worked, she was able to subtly manipulate people into believing she was a specific kind of person so they would accept her instead of rejecting her. As time went on and the days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months turned into years, she discovered she'd lost her true identity somewhere among the falsehood that had been her life. Afraid, and alone, she battled to come to terms with the inner turmoil that threatened to erupt and tear apart the life she had built.
One fine morning she awoke with a heavy heart and realized a change was to come. The girl packed her bags and booked a flight, an escape from this terrible reality. She traveled to a place where she was finally able to find herself, but with every fairy tale comes the trial and tribulation that she was to overcome. Along her travels she met a "knight" in shining armor. Or so she thought. Months were spent questioning herself, wondering whether she was good enough, or even worth loving truly. She cried herself to sleep, until one night she decided to compartmentalize her life, to live completely void of emotion and pain. The plan was set into motion the very next day and so she lived happily for a few more months, never allowing emotion to take control of her life, except for the acts that required a piece of her.
After coming to terms with the fact that this man would never love her, with the fact that perhaps love was just a fairy tale, a myth, a fallacy, she met a writer. A young, dark man, with inner turmoil, just like her. They spoke everyday, and she fell in love, as did he. So alike the two were, however she struggled to open up to him. She'd been so lost for so long without the chance of being emotional or allowing people to see her true form, afraid they'd reject her, as she'd been rejected most of her life, that she found solace and escape elsewhere, not realizing that the truth would have set her free.
She'd been a million different people from one day to the next to help people in need, completely setting aside her own inner turmoil, that ironically it would be herself that would destroy her chance of true love.
She'd finally found herself in this man, her soul mate, soul twin, her lifeline and yet once again the questioning starts. Is she worth the trouble? Is she worth this kind of love? Is she worth the pain endured from such betrayal? Is she worth anything at all?
Doubting her self worth became another obstacle to overcome. But she knew she would be strong, she knew that although she had her own struggles to overcome and endure, she'd do so with a smile on her face, still making a difference and impacting the lives of those who needed her.
Alas, in the dark corners of her mind she still longed to be accepted for all her faults, all her imperfections, and her mistakes. She longed to be taken care of for a change, to have someone love her truly and wholly, no matter the circumstance.
And so one night, she knelt down before God and prayed for guidance. She prayed for forgiveness, for cleansing, for solace. She prayed for love and friendship and complete acceptance. For the strength to be who she was meant to be.
With tears in her eyes, she lay down to sleep and dreamed of an other worldly place. Of her knight, her dark, handsome writer. She dreamed of forgiveness, of the bond between them, of love and light and darkness simultaneously.
She is yet to wake up....................
