dear Depression,

i write to you. do not judge me for my lack of grammar, i am not a book.
i do, however have something important to say if you'll lend me your ear for a brief second.

it is truly sad how we undermine you Depression. your name is thrown around so lightly and playfully at times even by me. i cannot fathom the destruction you have caused, the storm you have released upon so many lives. you are darkness with no light, no bright side. you devour us like a hungry wolf and still come back for more.

try explaining to loved one's the feelings pulsing through you during an attack by the ol' mighty YOU. there is no fucking explanation and yet we're regularly asked, "are you okay?" to which we respond, "no" though unable to explain why we are not okay. or we respond "yes" simply. easily. yet the turmoil buried deep within is rising to the surface. that black hole we run from is slowly catching up and all we can do is stop, turn around and let it consume us because we know there is no where to hide.

getting out of bed to face the day is burdensome. with a rueful demeanor we drag our feet to the shower so as to not smell of yesterday's defeat. repulsed by friends and family we avoid contact by any means and then wonder why no one's calling to ask how we're doing. do they not care? alone we meander through the motions of the day wishing it would end so that sleep would consume us and reality would dissipate for a few short hours. only to wake up to a light that burns to the core. and so we crawl back under the blanket and cry.

why, Depression, why? it is a simple question. how do you finger us out and play at our strings. you, the great puppet master. why do you insist on humiliating us? we hide our mirrors because our reflections reveal an ugly portrait of you. we avoid feelings because you've made it impossible to feel anything but horrible. ugly. disgusting. worthless. hopeless. tomorrow is not another day when you are present. tomorrow is another door to hell with our name's printed ever so lonesomely on it. lonely. alone. isolated. forsaken. solitary. the only friend we possess during your massacre.

but boy do i have news for you Depression. your lifespan is limited. although you do not see it you provide an awareness, a sense of expanded consciousness. you provide a realization of truth. because no matter how hard you try to gain friends during your massacre, you will always be alone. you either kill or give life. the former and latter leave you without, leave you wanting. there will come a day where we see a flicker of light, of hope. where we'll take hold of a loving hand and be encompassed by a warm embrace. our cold blood will run hot, igniting a passion within us. igniting a fire that was smothered by your poisonous affection.

ah, there will be a day. just you wait and see. you are alone old friend. you are alone. and we, we are awakened by your touch. though scars remain, memories etched, we have tasted hell but we now walk through the cancerous fire with a thirst for a life. we do have something to say. we do have lives to touch and children to birth. passion to be felt, loves to be had. without doubt we know we'll cross paths with you again, and though we may not be prepared for it, there'll be that flicker.

and that flicker is all we need.

sincerely,
anonymous.

The Door-mat Society

So, here is a tiny piece of advice for you.

For all you boys and girls, men and women, and everyone in between, who find yourselves pleasing people and sacrificing who you are, doing favors - or rather feeling the need to say "yes" to someone who asks you a favor - this one is for you.

There is a difference between doing a favor for someone and feeling an unrelenting obligation to do something for someone, often at your own expense. The mind is a complex thing. It can be wired and re-wired over and over again. This can go unnoticed for years until one day you're absolved and you're able to pinpoint where you went wrong and work specifically on the part that needs love and care.

We are often slaves to our own minds, constantly hoodwinked into thinking a certain way, whether it be logical, emotional, implausible or obscure. People-pleasing often stems from lack of self-love, and there being little to no acceptance of one's self, thus the need to seek out affirmation or recognition in doing things to please other people. I think we lose ourselves in this maze of torment. Taking on different personality traits to please different people will hinder your sight of who you are and the person you were meant to be. 

Now, I completely agree, affirmation makes one feel good about themselves, and everyone does seek this out once in a while, however, be sure to tread the line carefully. The line can and often does become a blur. People come into your life, take advantage of your Door-mat status, ask favors of you, "need" you for whatever crisis is going on in their lives, in return you receive your affirmation,  but then they wipe the hypothetical dirt off their feet when exiting your life. It leaves an horrendous stain and pungent odor of disappointment. That is when the self-loathing sets up home and gets comfortable.

Don't allow favors to become your duty. You have a choice, you can say "no". Know the difference between a favor and an obligation towards doing something for someone. Once you do this, you can concentrate on loving yourself more and finding yourself. The liberation you'll feel when you finally say "no" is remarkable. 

Find absolution from the Door-mat society and learn to say "I love me", "What can I do for me?" I can assure you, it is not selfish, it is simply taking better care of yourself and helping those who need you without it being at own your expense or sacrificing pieces of yourself because you're afraid of the rejection.

Love yourself! You are an exquisitely unique creature and you deserve your own happiness!